What is it that, deep down, all of us really, truly want in life? Well, we want to understand our place in the universe. We want to truly love and be truly loved. We want to know the meaning of life. We want to fulfill our purpose. We want to really live. In short, underneath all of our searching and yearning and striving, we’re all trying to answer this basic question, “WHO AM I?” All of our questions and struggles in life essentially boil down to this simple inquiry.
Answering this question means finding true, unconditional love and acceptance. It is something that can only be experienced, not explained or understood, but what I offer here is a humble attempt to communicate my understanding of my experience in the hope that it will resonate with some people enough that they will remember how to experience it for themselves.
Why does the simple question, “Who am I?” seem so impossible to answer to our complete satisfaction? And what does this have to do with our Twin Flames? Well, let’s first take a look at why we even have to ask this question. Why don’t we already know the answer?
Well, we actually do already know the answer, or at least there’s a part of us that does. You see, there are three different, equally important aspects to each of us. I’ll call them Body, Mind, and Spirit. Each is responsible for a different area of our life. We also have Feelings, and they’re how the three aspects communicate with each other.
Mind: All of our mental activity, whether it’s conscious, repressed, or forgotten. It’s responsible for our learning, our understanding of the past and future, opinions, judgments, definitions, labels, beliefs, history, knowledge, perceptions, intellect, comprehension, language, communication, ego, etc. It does not directly experience the present moment exactly as it is happening.
Body: Our physical existence. It’s responsible for our body, health, comfort, safety, material conditions, belongings, physical activity, and other such practical or physical aspects of our personal reality. It only ever exists in the present moment, but it is impacted by the changes that occur as time passes.
Spirit: Our life energy, soul, or life. It’s responsible for our connection to Life itself, to the whole of reality, to existence, to “I am”. It’s also responsible for our identity/essence/self-awareness, “energy work”, and decision making (turning thoughts into reality). Energy can never be created or destroyed, so it’s timeless. Our awareness of the present moment, of Now, is a Spiritual experience. Our connection to Life grants us the power of intention, of creation. We have personal will and deliberate action because of it.
Feelings: Our sensations, emotions, and intuition. Our Feelings exist in the moment but are fully connected to our Body, Mind, and Spirit, so they are a reflection of the state of each of those aspects of us and they can create changes in our Bodies, Minds, and Lives (Spirits).
The above definitions are very densely packed, especially Spirit, but they’ll be explained a bit more as we continue. Basically, Spirit uses our Body to experience physical reality as it’s happening, and our experiences are then perceived by our Minds and comprehended according to our existing understanding of things we’ve previously experienced with our Body and understood with our Mind.
When we come into physical existence, we begin to learn how life on the physical plane works and build those perceptions into our Mind. Part of this understanding is how we’re similar and different from other things and people, or our Mind identity. The layers are innumerable and incredibly complex. They’re connected in ways we can’t begin to consciously sort out. This is why we cannot resolve inner disharmony by thinking about the situation more!
Now, our Spirit can connect to the whole of existence, to All, to Life itself, to Oneness. However, our Mind cannot due to our Body’s physical limitations. We’re not meant to be omniscient in our Minds or omnipresent in our physical Bodies. We’re only meant to physically experience and mentally understand an incredibly small portion of the whole of existence. We are here for a reason though, and that’s to go ahead and HAVE that experience! If we were meant to exist only as pure Oneness, we wouldn’t be in physical form.
Many spiritually focused people throughout the ages focused much more heavily on Spirit than Mind and Body and have even attempted to deny or demonize our “ego”, mind, physical desires, and personalities. My perspective is that this is as much a form of escapism as the Body’s addictions and Mind’s preoccupations. In order to know who we really, truly are, we must not only consider all three aspects equally important, but also allow them to exist in communication, balance, and harmony with each other. No matter where the imbalance, it’s always an unconscious attempt to avoid feeling our Feelings.
That said, it may be necessary to focus more heavily on Spirit while you’re remembering what that aspect of you entails, but do remember that this focus is not sustainable. If you don’t pay enough attention to the other aspects of your being, one of them will find a way to stage a coup and “seize the throne” for a while. It will demand that you meet its needs. This may mean getting sick, losing your home, or having your core wounds (inaccurate beliefs) triggered so that your “ego” takes over. This is a natural part of the process, so please do not judge yourself when it happens. The more mindful you are about balance (and therefore more in tune with your Feelings), the less frequently this will happen and the less we’ll struggle and draw it out when it does.
Having equality and balance does not mean that we focus equally on all three areas at all times. It means that we put our focus wherever it needs to be in any given moment. How are we to know when there’s imbalance or disharmony? It’s really very simple, but it’s not always easy. We pay attention to our Feelings.
A lot of people say that it’s dangerous for them to pay too much attention to their Feelings. They have had bad experiences with that, and they do not wish to repeat them! I’m here to tell you that it is not awareness of your Feelings that has caused problems for you. It’s exactly the opposite, in fact. We experience “problems” due to our Feelings when we either act out or repress them. We have the capacity, however, to simply allow them to be exactly what they are in any given moment without taking action, making decisions, judging them or ourselves for having them, or repressing them. It’s intense, but this is incredibly important in finding our True Identity. This is an entire topic in and of itself, but for now, I’ll just say that I promise you that struggle and “problems” are the result of resisting Feelings, not the result of allowing Feelings! The way out is through.
Some people are very poorly aware of their Feelings compared to others. Truthfully, this happens to all of us when we focus too much on one aspect of our being. If you want to allow yourself to feel your Feelings, pull your attention out of the area of yourself where you’ve been focusing. That is, quit doing whatever you’ve been doing to keep yourself distracted or numb. This could be working too much, drugs or alcohol, sex addiction, playing video games, watching TV, learning new stuff continuously, obsessing about your Twin Flame (or any other person), compulsively “helping” others, or a myriad of other things.
To feel your Feelings, just sit silently with yourself and turn your attention inward. Allow whatever you find there to simply exist without judging, denying, analyzing, or distracting yourself. All you need to do is notice that it’s there. Many people find it helpful to go out alone in nature to do this. Our Body is Earth, literally, as is nearly everything around us. Man made structures bring an element of Mind into those objects, so when it’s just us and Earth in all her unaltered glory, we’re automatically already a lot closer to our True Identity.
If you can’t get out alone in nature that often right now, that’s okay. Just find a way to take some time to just BE with yourself and focus your attention inward. Your thoughts will distract you. That’s totally normal and fine. Just notice what those thoughts are and turn your attention to just watching yourself again. Just notice as many of your thoughts, emotions, and sensations as you can. If this is terribly unpleasant, that’s okay! There’s no need to judge or torture yourself. Start out doing it for small blocks of time. Even just ten minutes per day to start will make a big difference.
The important things are to actually DO this and to just allow whatever is happening inside of you to fully play be whatever it is in the current moment during this time. This is particularly valuable when you’re hurting!!! Emotions are not fixed unless we hold them there with our Mind patterns. If we focus on the Feelings, we’re able to process and release them shockingly quickly. Give it a shock next time you’re upset about something and see for yourself!
The reason that the question of who we are is so difficult to answer is because it can only be experienced, not understood. We know who we truly are in the moments when we are acting on true inspiration. Some people call this working their mission or living their bliss or finding their purpose. We say, “I know what I’m meant to do!” These moments are where our Mind, Body, and Spirit overlap, harmonize, and integrate with each other. When we do this, Life is the wind in our sails. We experience “synchronicities” when we’re on the right track because we’re flowing with Life. It seems like the world is working in our favor, and that’s because it is! Life is!
Please do not confuse this peaceful, joyous, empowered, passionate state with various forms of escapism or mania. If you do not have true inner peace, the kind of peace that cannot be shaken by external circumstances, then there is not harmony among the three aspects. No one can live there all of the time when on the physical plane of existence, but the closer you get and the more time you spend there, the closer you are to harmony among the aspects, to your Truth.
Life has a way of throwing at us whatever we need to realize our Truth. Life demands we eventually remember who we really, truly are, though we do have a choice in how long we take to get there and how direct or indirect our path is. The more attached we are to our Mind Identity (including what we think we want!), the longer it will take, and the more we will suffer and struggle along the way.
Alright, what does this have to do with our Twin Flames and their gift to us? Our Twin Flames share life energy with us and through this energetic connection have developed a “compatible” Mind Identity. Our entire world is a direct reflection of our Mind Identity, but we see our reflection most clearly in our Twin Flames because their Mind Identity (combined with all of the Life stuff that Spirit throws at us) is exactly what we need in order to realize our True Identity. They are our mirror.
Have you wondered why the Twin Flame Journey involves the highest of highs and lowest of lows? It’s because our Divine Counterpart is uniquely capable of bringing us into our Feelings. This feels wonderful when it means catching glimpses of who we truly are, and it feels torturous when they and Life show us all of the ways we are not living our Truth. They hurt us over and over again because they’re showing us that there’s something that we’re looking for outside of ourselves that no one can give us except ourselves. We are the only ones who can fill our void, and we have to unlearn many Mind patterns and see many of our illusions before we can see how we’re able to do this. The pain is showing us where our Mind Identity and our beliefs about how the world works are inaccurate. When we act out or repress the pain, it becomes the worst suffering we’ve ever experienced in our lives. That’s where the “running” and “chasing” come into play! They’re both attempts to avoid our own Feelings because we do not know that we are capable of facing them or that we will find true relief and joy once we do.
Another reason our Twin Flame is uniquely suited to hurt us… I mean, to show us our disharmony… is because we cannot escape them. No matter how long, hard, or far we try to run, we always wind up right back in front of them again. “Wherever you go, there you are.” If we were able to escape, we would, and we wouldn’t heal the way we need to heal in order to find our True Identity.
You see, the main reason we aren’t already living our Truth is because there are flaws in our assumptions. Our Mind is beautiful, but it’s never right, and it generally believes that it is and will fight very, very hard to prove it. Our Mind Identity fights for it’s life, in fact! No wonder the Awakening/Twin Flame Journey (the Twin Flame Journey is the Awakening Journey) is such a struggle! When I say it’s never “right”, what I mean is that the Mind cannot understand reality/Truth. Reality can be experienced, but as we perceive and process those experiences, they become mental abstractions. They’re thoughts about reality, not reality itself. The Mind is also not capable of taking in the vastness of the whole of existence. It just does its best with what information it has.
We have a tendency to take our thoughts way too seriously. After all, we often believe that they’re who we are and how the world works. When we lose a piece of that, it literally feels like a part of us is dying. If it’s a big piece, we may want to die! This death wish is the gift our Twin Flame gives us. It is only then and there we are aware of the need and capable of surrendering pieces of our Mind Identity that do not fit our True Self.
The only way to do this is to find some self-compassion. If we’re too critical of ourselves during this process, we will not physically survive it. This is why Life does not bring us our Twin Flames until we’re ready for them, and it’s why periods of separation are necessary until we reach a certain point in our journey. Some people will meet their Twin Flame as a mature soul, but they quickly repel each other and do not come back together again in that lifetime unless they awaken to the stage of old soul. Lasting union is not possible until we’re old souls. (This is one of the reasons I love working with Twin Flames, by the way!) Don’t despair if it seems like you or your Twin Flame is not there yet, however. We mature throughout each lifetime, and it happens very quickly once we meet our Twin Flames.
Also, remember that we both bring out the worst in each other so we can show each other the areas that need to be healed. When they look psycho (or whatever other lovely term your Mind has labeled them), you’re seeing both their and your insecurities and pain. You’re seeing the worst each of your Mind Identities has to offer in those moments, not your True Identities. All that pain is coming to the surface to be healed. Be as patient and compassionate as you’re currently able with both you and your Twin Flame during this process. Also, do you very best not to focus on the past. You’re both growing very rapidly. Neither of you has the same Mind Identity that you did last week much less before or during a previous separation! Try to let all of that stuff go. There’s no reason to hang onto it, unless, of course, there’s still something to heal. If that’s the case, recognize that it’s your core wound that you’re actually feeling, not something your Twin Flame said or did.
So here’s the gold, the beauty of the gift, the thing that makes it all worth it a thousand times over: In order to realize our True Identity, we have to connect strongly with Spirit, heal our Mind, and take excellent care of our Body. We cannot face ourselves until we accept ourselves, and we must first find Unconditional Love in order to do so. Unconditional Love is another term for Connection, Oneness, Life. This happens incrementally because we need to release our illusions in order to connect to Unconditional Love, but we need a certain amount of unconditional self-love and self-acceptance in order to give ourselves the compassion we need in order to feel our pain and release our illusions. It sounds like a catch 22, but it’s really more of a cycle. A process. A journey. Our Twin Flame Journey. As we heal our core wounds enough to allow us to spend more time truly feeling our Feelings, we find the balance and harmony necessary to more fully live our Truth.
What is self-love, anyways? How do we do it? We ask ourselves what we need, and then we give it to ourselves. Our Divine Counterparts do a great job of helping us with this because they will very stubbornly refuse to give us what we need until we don’t need it from them anymore, so whatever it is you think you want from your Twin Flame, give it to yourself! Do you want more of their time and attention? Take some “me time” and focus on yourself! Do you want their physical touch and presence? Be more aware of your own physical presence and the physical aspects of your life. Do you want their adoration and appreciation? Look for the things you adore and appreciate about yourself. Do you want them to comfort and calm you? Comfort and calm yourself. Do you want them to make you feel attractive? Make yourself feel attractive!
Also, if there are things you see in your Twin Flame that you cannot tolerate or blame for the separation, look for the same exact traits in yourself. They’re also a mirror to us in this way, and these areas are an important part of our healing, too.
There is nothing we truly need in life that Life will not provide if we allow it to flow through us unrestricted. It all comes from the same infinitely abundant Source, and that Source is pure, Unconditional Love. Ask yourself what you can do to allow it to flow freely into and through you. You must fill yourself with love before you will be in a position to truly love others. After all, your world is a reflection of you. If you are deeply hurting, you will have intimacy, creativity, abundance, and/or other mental blocks. Whatever you think your Twin Flame or Life is withholding from you, you are withholding from yourself. Give it to yourself so you can then give it to others, and soon you will find others giving more of it to you than you ever imagined.
Once you have removed the bulk of these blocks, you will be in a position to come into and stay in Union with your Twin Flame. Do not worry about what it looks like your Twin Flame is doing or not doing on the surface level. Your Twin Flame cannot stop triggering your core wounds until you heal them, so you will be surprised to find how quickly they come around and start acting even more loving than you had hoped once you truly love and accept yourself and heal your core wounds/release your illusions.
So what is the ultimate gift that our Twin Flames give us? Ourselves, which is the thing each of us really, truly wants more than anything. They do it by giving us whatever type of support or pain we need in order to find true self-love, self-acceptance, and self-sufficiency, and they go through the same torture that we do (whether it looks like it or not) in order to do it! They’re our heroes. ❤ And they ARE us! No matter how angelic we like to believe we are, we’re hurting them as much as they’re hurting us. We have to do this for them, just like they have to do it for us. We will come to love and accept these parts of ourselves, too. Our Divine Counterparts heal in layers complimentary to the layers we are healing. This is why we cannot outgrow or move on from them. We have truly met our match!
Whatever is going on right now in your individual journey, I invite each of you take a moment to feel gratitude for and bless yourself, your Twin Flame, and your Divine connection with pure, Unconditional Love. ❤